Audrey Shiets' Blog

Spiritual warfare.

audreyshiets — Tue, 12 May 2009 00:40:15 +0000

*Sorry that I have not written in my blog in a while. Hopefully this will make up for it.*

I’ve always known that God has a plan, but I recently learned that so does Satan! He is NOT messing around either. In 1 Peter 5:8-9 it states that the enemy is a lion, prowling and ready to destroy!

Lately all this tension has been building up between building up between me and my parents. It cracked on Tuesday but it fell apart on Wednesday.

Tuesday I went dress shopping for U-Rock with my best friend, Sarah, my sister and my mom. Sarah, of course, found something at the first store. I, on the other hand, had to keep looking for hours! I got so angry and frustrated that I started to take it out on my mom. I was being to disrespectful, which is not how I am. Finally Sarah called me out on my attitude, which is what a good friend should do. Little did anyone know, the problem was much deeper than a dress dilemma. So all this is escalating and at some point it has to reach a climax. The climax was on Wednesday, April 1^st at about 6:20 pm. When I got home from school on Wednesday my mom was already in a bad mood, so I was not exactly off to a great start. I just kind of ignored everyone and went to sleep for a little bit. When I woke up my dad was saying he was leaving for church right then and my mom was not going. I was upset because he did not say anything earlier as I rushed to get ready. Then my mom said I should eat dinner before I left, so I did. Meanwhile, she is asking if I made invitations for my birthday to give out at STORM that night. I replied “no” and she basically freaked out and said that I need to get my priorities straight. Then my dad suggested that we just cancel my 16^th birthday party all together! After all that crap they had the nerve to just sat there and talk about my “huge” failure, while I was sitting in the middle of them! I got so irritated that I just walked up stairs and I said that I didn’t want to go to STORM anymore. Then I came back down stairs after crying a little bit and I said that I actually did want to go to STORM because that was the only place that I liked. We got in the car and my dad automatically started grilling my about the whole situation. –FYI: I’m the type of person that I don’t like to be repeatedly pushed on something- He then started yelling so I tried to remain calm while asking him why he was yelling and his reply was that he was not yelling. I then decided that he should hear what he sounded like; I started yelling too. Then he said he just talked loudly. I honestly wanted to punch him in the face at this point and I could tell he wanted to do the same to me. He decided then that I was disrespectful and my punishment was no STORM that night. He turned the car around and dumped me off at home.

I walked in and within minutes was in another fight with my mom.

I walked into my room, shut the door and sat against it, crying. The tears were so painful that they stung as they rolled down my face.

Then all the sudden, while I was trying to get a grip on myself, I started telling myself that I was a worthless, stupid, controlling brat… but I could sense that I was not really me thinking and saying all this.

I then started hitting myself out of disgust. It was moving into a new level of hatred with every sound of my hand hitting my own skin. This outside force was speaking lies to me. “You’re not good enough to be with Matt. He is so perfect and you can’t even keep your mouth shut for two seconds! Some other girl, better than you obviously, deserves his love. Why should he be wasting his time with you when you can’t fill his expectations? You’re just going to fail. You don’t deserve something so great!” Then I started thinking ‘Well I guess the only solution would be to dump him. I mean that is what’s best for him anyway! I just want him to be happy, so the sooner the better.’ Then I actually started thinking about the next few days and when it would be a good time to break up with him!

Finally I regained control and I started to lift myself up. I said that “James 1:17 states that every good and perfect gift comes from God. I know that I am a good and perfect gift from God!” I said that “Christ said we could go even greater things than him!” I said that I was not going to break up with Matt because I knew that Christ had a plan for me and for Matt. In that moment I thought back to Tuesday and how Sarah was saying that God had a plan for her and for Tyler, well that is the truth and I started to speak it! My words hold the power to life or death. I was NOT going to go down to the level that this demonic spirit wanted! Instead I bowed down to Christ and cried out because I knew I could not fight any longer on my own. I said I was done and I wanted his love to capture my heart and set it a blaze with passion. As I knelt there I began to feel an overwhelming God-peace wash over me and calm me. I felt light hearted and free! I no longer felt two worlds pulling at my soul. I did not feel as though I was in a battle field any longer. I stayed in that peace for a while.

Then I sat up and started to piece everything together. I was in shock at what I figured out: Satan had a carefully orchestrated plot the whole time! I let a few little things slip into my heart and they eventually worked into me and started to take a toll. Then once he had me down; it was child’s play from there, or so he thought! He started to slowly whisper little lies to me, I believed them and then he had a foothold over me. Ephesians 4:27 says “do not give the devil a foothold.” This is so true! Satan slipped that one over me because I had the mentality that that scripture only applied to people “in the world” when really it applies to everyone. Good thing God loved me and was fighting for me because now I am free! 2 Corinthians 3:17 says that there is freedom where the spirit of the Lord is found. I could feel God’s spirit all over me after I hit my knees and that is when the liberation came.

It felt like a war –no joke! It felt like I was in the middle of the rope with angels and demons on the ends pulling and fighting for my soul at the commandments of their masters. I was literally being fought over. We hear all the time that there is a spiritual battle going on for your soul. Well on Wednesday it actually came out!

The reason why I am sharing this with you is so that you can learn and grow from my mistakes. Here is what you need to know to avoid this happening to you:

One- Be prepared: The Bible says that Satan is a lion. He is prowling and ready to destroy you! If the Bible is saying that about Satan then I think that I would like to be ready for anything he could try to throw at me! Keep in mind the fact that Satan does, in fact, have a plan to destroy you and that there is a seriously intense spiritual battle going on everyday for your soul. The farther you slip from God and push him away means the harder Satan is just going to attack you because you are not under the protection of Christ. A helpful piece of advice to keep you from Satan’s clutch is to watch your surroundings because it is so easy for us to get stuck in with the wrong people and screw up just once. Put uplifting and courageous people around you in your friend groups. Your family is also very important but keep in mind that you cannot pick your family but if they are mean or discouraging then you have the power to deflect what they are saying and not take it to heart. Get a mentor around you and people to pour into your life because you give to others from the overflow of your spirit and if you are not getting fed then you cannot impact effectively! Also get support around you through a connection group! If you do not know where to meet these kinds of people then you should probably try church or youth group!

Two- Listen for God’s voice and authority in your life: That can come through other people, the bible or an audible voice from God. Keep your ears open and your heart ready! Earlier in April (the month that this whole situation happened) God was trying to reveal 1 Peter 5:8 to warn me but I was not listening and therefore I did not hear it and as a result of my stupidity and ignorance to God’s voice I had to suffer, but because God is merciful he rescued me.

*If you are doing all of this then there is no reason for you to be struggling.

Surroundings.

audreyshiets — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 15:29:41 +0000

All the time in church we hear about watching our surroundings and about how being “un-equally yoked” is bad, but do we honestly understand what all this means?!
I had a friend once; he was a really good friend of mine and he knew things about me that not many people did. I met him when I wasn’t a Christian, so when I became a Christian; he didn’t. That tore the strings of our relationship a lot. We still remained friends but the bond of “best friends” had been broken when Christ stepped in and took that spot in my life.
This friend came to me one night and asked me to pray from him because he was going to court. I asked why and he began to tell me about how this girl at my school took a nude picture of herself and sent it to this boy she liked; he then sent it to everyone he knew. My friend happened to be one of those people; he got the picture and sent it to someone else. The girl whose picture it was found out about the mass message with her body on it and she pressed charges. My friend got caught by the authorities and was dragged to court; found guilt and had to face the consequences for his stupidity.
I’m telling you this story because it has to do with surroundings. My friend chose to be friends with that boy who sent the picture around. In making that choice my friend also added the boy’s whole group as friends. Due to one chose of being acquainted with one person; my friend to go to court and he had to deal with all of that.
You may think that you’re friends are amazing and wonderful and they may be too, but I know that I thought that about some friends I used to have and they turned out to be complete idiots. They were actually going to let me get raped at one point, luckily I had a real friend with me who told me what was going on!
It is so important to be immensely careful as to who you “yoke” yourself with because that one decision can either satisfy you or destroy you. What does “yoking” with someone actually mean?! A yoke is a frame fitting the neck and shoulders of a person, for carrying a pair of buckets or the like, one at each end. Imagine if you were the person carrying the two buckets on your shoulders; if one bucket is full to the rim with rocks and the other is only slightly full of water; one side would be much heavier and it would be a lot more work than both being equally full of water. If you are in a relationship (friendship or otherwise) and one person is a Christian and another isn’t then the load becomes heavy and hard to work out. You become very frustrated very easily.If you do not watch your surroundings then you will get caught up and swept away.Well, I can tell you and tell you all this useful information over and over, but that will never mean that you’ll actually listen or that you’ll actually apply it. I have been in plenty of relationships; enough to know that being unequally yoked completely sucks and all it results in is frustration (applies to friendship as well.) Take it from experience and don’t be stupid.

From the outside looking in.

audreyshiets — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 15:27:58 +0000

Imagine God outside your life; your heart and he’s looking in at it.
He is watching you throw your life away and there’s nothing he can do about it. He’s banging on the glass outside your heart; he is screaming and longing for your attention! But you are so wrapped up in your own life, your priorities, and “just living” that you’ve forgotten your first love, Christ. You have forgotten what God means and what he stands for.
Or you are on the other end of the spectrum and you’ve been so wrapped up in “church” but now you’re rebelling and back sliding. You are trying to forget about Christ and all about his love, but you can’t… you know all about his love and you can’t help but care.
God loves us so much. It’s indescribable.. God is GOD! He is so big that he could crush the World with one finger, and yet we think that we can do it all by ourselves.. Good try! We always end up at the feet of Christ, crying and begging for forgiveness. God has so much more for you than the level you put yourself at. God has so much than just forgiveness… he has a perfect plan, he has dreams; he has success! Everything you could ever possibly want is in Christ! So why, oh please tell me why, do we go to other places to seek for satisfaction when it’s right outside our heart?!
I love the song “You found me” by: The Fray (I’m actually listening to it right now! Hehe) it asks in the song, “where were you when all I needed was a call?!” The answer is that he’s right there beside you banging on your heart, but you’re too absorbed to realize it.

The key.

audreyshiets — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 15:26:19 +0000

After all my searching, my travels, my struggles and my success; I’ve found the key to life:
Just don’t worry about anything and love God with all that you have. Let everything fall into place. Just let God take care of it; run to him without holding back! Love people better than you love yourself. Do whatever it is that you’re called to do in Christ.

Pleasant suprises.

audreyshiets — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 15:23:45 +0000

*PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS IS NOT ALL ABOUT WHAT MATT DID FOR ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY; THERE IS A SYMBOLISM BEHIND IT. READ IT ALL PLEASE!*
It was my 16th birthday on March 17, 2009.
For my birthday; my wonderful boyfriend, Matthew James Pshock, surprised me at school! I also had a bad day at school that day. It was overwhelming and hard, but when I heard Matt’s voice I immediately got a smile on my face and cheered up. Then when he said he was at my school, I was even happier and started to look around for him. He found me and I went running to him. We got in his car but I had no idea where we were going or what we were doing! He had it all carefully planned out already.
He drove me down a dirt path and told me to close my eyes; I did. When the car stopped I opened the door and looked around. I was surprised to see an empty field with woods in the back.
He told me to put a blindfold on because I could not know where we were going until we arrived there; I did so.
When I stepped onto the field I was surprised to find out that it was muddy. As Matt was guiding me through the muddy field, we stopped and he had to run off to prepare where we were going to go. I just stood there and waited patiently, all the while still having my blindfold on. While I was standing there I just began to think.
I heard him calling from behind so I spun around; realizing it was him and I started to somewhat walk to him but it didn’t work that great because I was blindfolded. He then came to my side and grabbed my hand. He asked if I was ready to go to where ever it was he had prepared and I said ‘yes.’ He then led me through a muddy field and into the woods, where sticks were everywhere but he walked in front of me to push all the brush and twigs out of the way and make sure that it was safe for me. He decided that the woods got too muddy for me to walk through them, so he carried me on his back through them. We got close to the spot and he told me to take off my blind fold so I could walk carefully through the rest of the woods. When I took off my blindfold, I could only see I little peek of what he had done. We finished walking and we got to our destination and it was a adorable little picnic that he had prepared. I was ecstatic because it was amazingly cute. =]
Later I started to think about the walk through the woods and how hard it was; I started to relate it to my life and my walk with Christ. Here is what I came up with: At this certain time in my life; I was not doing all that great because I was struggling like crazy (and that’s a huge understatement). Then God interceded and the sound of his voice and his presence made me get my life back on track. The moment that I was reborn in Christ, was the moment that I got in the car with God, but I had no idea where we were going or what we were doing, but he had a perfect plan me for already.
When I saw my life, after I had been reborn, I was surprised to see an empty field; it was no longer full of all the mistakes I had made or anything else that I had dealt with. God had wiped it clean and cleared it out.
Then God had me put on a blindfold, because I couldn’t see everything that he had planned for me yet and I had to trust in him and in what he had.
Everything with God cannot always be perfect, but sometimes you don’t know that right out of the gate. Therefore when you step into your new life you are surprised to find that it is a muddy field. That’s when storms of life come in and you go through sticky situations. The same thing applies to me; I go through struggles; hard times and I have burdens. That is the muddy field and just as Matt was guiding me through it; I know that God guides me through it. During our walk Matt had to stop and run off to go prepare the picnic. Just like that God has to go off and plan your life, but he is still there and will always be there. This momentary pause gives you time to think and ponder. You also need to be patient and wait; knowing that God has it under control.
Then, out of nowhere, God will call to you from behind and you will spin around eagerly and try to walk to him, but you can’t because you’re blindfolded. Luckily you can rest assured and know that he always comes to you in your moment of need; the moment where you’re sitting there crying because you don’t know what to do anymore. He will come and grab your hand, he will ask if you’re ready to go and he will lead you through the muddy field and will help you through the woods. In the woods, there are sticks everywhere and you may trip but God is walking in front of you and moving everything out of the way so that you can be safe.
According to 1 Corinthians 10:13, “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face; all you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.” Which means that God never gives you more than you can handle; when he thinks your situation is too much to handle he picks you can and carries you through it.
When you get close to whatever God has prepared for your life; he then tells you to take off your blindfold so that you can see a peek of it, but he doesn’t reveal everything to you yet. He also wants to make sure that you make it through the rest of your woods safely. When you finish your walk and get to the final destination it is usually pleasing and amazing. When you arrive at the final place, you realize that all your trials and getting all muddy was worth it because you now get to see something that is so much more mind-blowing than you could have ever done on your own.

Sweet sixteen.

audreyshiets — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 04:42:24 +0000

I am about 30 minutes into my 16th birthday.

I just can’t help myself but to wonder what it is that’s in store for me beyond this.. beyond this moment, beyond this point, beyond this sturggle, beyond this blink of an eye.

I don’t want to miss my chance to make a difference in someone’s life. I want to push past and break through the walls that I put over myself and the walls that I let define me. I want to push through the things that I struggle with so that I can help people who need it. The people who are so lost, and drowning. I’m so tired of waiting for someone to make the first move, I want to be the person that makes the first move. I want to be a leader, but at times I want to be a great follower. I was recently told that “you can only be a good leader if you were at one point a good follower.” I want to listen to God and let his beautiful, gentle, whispering voice tickle at my spirit and move me to mountain tops. I want to achieve so much yet I know nothing extraordinary will happen without God.. and even if good things do happen without God, he always has something better.

I want to fight, live and stand for something that is of worth because I know that if you don’t stand for something then you’ll fall for anything.